Writing an Obituary for a Deceased Loved One: A Guide for Friends and Supporters

Introduction

When a loved one passes away, the task of writing and publishing an obituary can often feel overwhelming, especially for friends who may feel the need to honor their deceased friend or relative. This article provides guidance on the process of writing and publishing an obituary, especially in cases where the family has declined to do so.

Can Friends Publish an Obituary?

Yes, friends have the right to publish an obituary if the family refuses. While some newspapers may only accept obituaries from the funeral home or crematory, there are other avenues available. It’s important to understand that the obituary is essentially treated as a form of advertisement. Before proceeding, it’s respectful and wise to ask the family if they have any objections.

Understanding the Costs Involved

Funerals and burials can be incredibly expensive. Many families struggle to afford even the most basic necessities, much less an obituary. Crafting a meaningful tribute is essential, but ensuring it doesn’t place an unnecessary strain on the family is equally crucial. A more thoughtful and considerate approach might be to contribute the funds that would be spent on an obituary to the family.

Alternative Ways to Honor a Loved One

Instead of spending money on an obituary, consider using those funds to help the family with funeral expenses. Here are a few alternatives:

Financial Contribution: Offer to contribute directly to the family’s expenses, such as funeral costs or home-going arrangements. Charitable Donation: Honor your loved one by making a donation to a charity or cause that was dear to them. Memory Book: Create a digital or physical memory book that captures the person’s life and shares it with close friends and family.

Steps to Write and Publish an Obituary

If you decide to write an obituary despite the family’s reluctance, follow these steps:

Choose a Newspaper: Identify which newspapers will be relevant to the deceased and their community. Contact the Paper: Reach out to the chosen newspaper to inquire about their rates and requirements for publishing an obituary. Some newspapers have their rates posted online, while others may require you to contact them via email or phone. Prepare the Obituary: Ensure the obituary is well-written, respectful, and includes all necessary details such as name, age, date and place of birth, date and place of death, and contact information for the family. Consider including a small photo if space allows. Review and Submit: Carefully review the obituary for accuracy and make sure it complies with the newspaper’s guidelines. Submit the obituary and payment if required. Follow Up: Keep in touch with the newspaper to ensure the obituary is published as planned.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

1. Are there any alternatives to traditional newspapers for publishing an obituary?
Yes, consider online platforms and community boards. For example, Facebook, Cemetery websites, and offer free or low-cost options for publishing an obituary.

2. How can I support the family during this difficult time?
Beyond a financial contribution, offer to help with transportation, meals, or errands. Providing emotional support and being present during the funeral or memorial services can also make a significant difference.

3. What if the family asks me not to proceed with an obituary?
Respect their wishes. Suggest alternative ways to honor the deceased, such as a small gathering, a donation to a charity, or a memory tribute.

Conclusion

While writing and publishing an obituary can be a challenging and emotional process, it can also be a meaningful way to honor a loved one. By understanding the costs involved, considering the family's financial situation, and exploring alternative ways to honor the deceased, you can contribute positively to their legacy without adding to their burden.