Why do I Start Crying When I am Angry?

Understanding Anger as a Secondary Emotion

Anger is often considered a secondary emotion, stemming primarily from sadness and vulnerability. When we feel sad, the natural human tendency is to mask this vulnerability with anger. This defense mechanism can make expressing sadness feel uncomfortable and even shameful, leading individuals to channel their feelings into anger.

There are various reasons why someone might fall into this pattern. Some people believe expressing sadness makes them appear weak, so they opt for anger as a more powerful and less vulnerable expression. However, anger, which is easier to express than sadness, does not eliminate the underlying emotional issues but rather adds another layer of emotional strain.

The Role of Emotions in Anger and Crying

Emotions are complex, interconnected, and multifaceted. When we experience anger, our body is in a heightened state of arousal, fueled by the fight or flight response. Our adrenaline kicks in, preparing us to take action. This physiological response is similar to the one triggered by fear. However, sometimes the situation does not allow for effective action, leaving individuals with a buildup of energy that needs an outlet.

Crying during angry moments can serve as a mechanism to release that built-up energy. It acts as an emotional pressure release valve, not necessarily an expression of sadness but rather a response to the intensity of the moment. Scientific research, such as Brene Brown's talk on vulnerability, emphasizes the importance of embracing emotions rather than trying to suppress them.

Social Conditioning and Acceptance

Social norms and conditioning also play a significant role in how we handle anger and crying. In many societies, expressing anger, especially in public, is often seen as inappropriate. Crying in moments of anger, on the other hand, can sometimes be viewed as more socially acceptable. This presents a paradox: while emotional outbursts may be seen as inappropriate, expressing intense emotions through crying is sometimes deemed more acceptable.

These social dynamics are particularly evident in places where emotional expression is embraced, such as Portland, Oregon. The city is known for its embracing of feelings and its cultural ethos of "Keep Portland Weird" which extends to emotional openness. Here, showing emotions, including tears, is not only accepted but celebrated. This environment fosters a culture where individuals are free to express a range of emotions, including the cathartic act of crying during moments of anger.

The Beauty of Emotional Release

Emotional release, whether through crying or other means, is a crucial aspect of mental and emotional well-being. It allows us to process and understand complex feelings. When we cry, whether out of sadness or intensity, we are essentially giving ourselves permission to feel deeply and to let go of pent-up emotions. This process helps us move forward and find closure.

In conclusion, crying during moments of anger is a natural and human response. It stems from the complex interplay of emotions, physiological responses, and social conditioning. By embracing these emotions and finding constructive ways to release them, we can foster a more emotionally healthy and balanced life.