Why Do People Act Differently Around Different People?

My friend, you ask a fine question. I gather that you are not referring to people altering their true selves with ulterior motives but are instead trying to understand how and why individuals behave differently in various social settings.

Understanding Behavioral Flexibility

When we adapt our behavior based on the people and situations around us, it is a natural response to the changing environments and circumstances. Our core personalities remain the same, but the way we exhibit them in different contexts can vary significantly. This phenomenon we can term as behavioral flexibility—a key aspect of interpersonal communication and social interaction.

The Core of Who We Are

Think of our core personality as a combination of several factors that shape our identity. Even if we act differently, our behavior is still a direct reflection of our true selves. For example, if you are a compassionate, empathetic, and caring person, you will naturally display this quality when dealing with a young child upset over a trivial matter. You might not exhibit the same behavior when addressing an adult, as it could be seen as condescending.

Adapting to Circumstances

Does a four-year-old upset you react differently than how you would react to another adult with a similar problem? Of course, you understand that children process emotions differently and may require a more nurturing approach. However, you still remain who you are at your core. You adapt your behavior based on the individual and the context, which does not define who you are as a person but rather how you choose to interact with others.

Consider how you behave at a funeral, a party, or at a library. In each scenario, you are still the same individual, but your actions align with the expectations and norms of that particular environment. For instance, speaking in a calm and subdued manner at a funeral and being more animated and jovial at a party both align with these settings.

Professional Life and Core Values

In your professional life, you draw from your core values, principles, morals, and ethics, but present them in a polished and professional manner. This adaptability is crucial in maintaining a consistent image and making meaningful connections with others. This is not about putting on a facade, but rather about filtering your true self through a lens that is appropriate for the occasion.

The Value of Being Real

Many people appreciate when others are being "real" and consistent across different situations. Honesty and authenticity can foster genuine connections. However, it is important to recognize that honesty, while a core value, should be balanced with tact and consideration for others. Some individuals may find your honesty challenging to handle, but that does not detract from the integrity of your approach.

Living by a Set of Values

To maintain consistency, strive to live by a set of values and beliefs that are flexible enough to grow and evolve as your experiences and knowledge expand. This way, you can remain true to yourself, even as your interactions and circumstances change. Being real and consistent does not mean you are perfect, but it means you are authentic and genuine in your approach.

In conclusion, the adaptability of our behavior is a natural and necessary part of social interaction. While our core selves remain constant, the way we present ourselves can vary based on the situation. By understanding and embracing this flexibility, we can build more meaningful and genuine connections with others.