Why Did My Ex BPD Girlfriend Contact Me, Acting Like She Had the Wrong Number?

Dealing with an emotionally unstable ex-partner can be a challenging experience, especially if they belong to a disorder like Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). This article explores the reasons behind why your ex-girlfriend might have called you out of the blue, making it seem like you were a stranger, and how to handle such situations.

Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Individuals with BPD often struggle with intense emotional volatility, fear of abandonment, and unstable relationships. Unpredictable and chaotic behavior is common, leading to situations where they may contact an ex-partner, act flustered, and deny recognizing them after a long period of no contact. Recognizing that this behavior is part of their disorder can help you navigate your response.

Why Did She Contact You?

Several reasons might explain your ex-girlfriend's unexpected behavior. Here are some possibilities:

1. Exhaustion of Options: She may have exhausted other possibilities and decided to reach out, hoping there's still a chance for reconciliation. This is a common tendency in those with BPD, but it's crucial to set boundaries.

2. Feeling Left Out: The fact that she couldn't find comfort or validation elsewhere may explain why she reached out. This is especially true if she was in recent relationships that didn't meet her emotional needs.

3. Testing Boundaries: Sometimes, people with BPD test the waters by reaching out to ex-partners to see if they are still emotionally invested, waiting to see if they will respond.

What Should You Do?

Handling such situations requires patience and clear communication. Here are some recommendations:

1. Do Not Respond: The best course of action is often to not respond at all. Avoid giving her any validation or attention. This might frustrate her but can also prompt her to reconsider her actions.

2. Set Boundaries: If you decide to talk to her, set clear boundaries. Let her know that you are moving on and that you are not interested in reconnecting. Be honest and firm.

3. Stay Calm and Focused: Keep your reactions under control. Do not let her emotional manipulations affect your own well-being or plans for a healthier future.

Surprising Reasons for Unexpected Contact

There might be other less obvious reasons for her unexpected contact:

1. Need for Validation: She might be seeking validation to feel better about herself. Communicating this need can make her question her actions and feelings toward you.

2. Impulse Behavior: Sometimes, people act on impulse without thinking through the consequences. This can lead to unexpected communications that seem out of character.

3. Keeping Tabs: She might be keeping an eye on you to ensure you are not moving on and that you still have lingering feelings.

Real-Life Example

A recent experience sheds light on how one might handle such situations responsibly. After a 14-year divorce, a former partner needed validation for the paperwork he was signing. When the request was politely declined, it highlighted the importance of maintaining boundaries in such circumstances.

It's important to remember that unpleasant as it may be, this behavior is often a characteristic of specific mental health conditions. By not engaging and setting firm boundaries, you can protect your own well-being and future happiness.

Conclusion

Unexpected contacts from exes, especially those with BPD, can catch you off guard and make you wonder why. Understanding the reasons behind such behavior can help address the situation effectively. Remember, setting clear boundaries and not engaging in emotional turmoil is the best approach for your emotional well-being.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Why did my ex BPD girlfriend contact me and act like she had the wrong number?

A: This behavior is often a result of emotional instability and the desire to re-establish a connection. It's crucial to maintain your boundaries and not engage in unnecessary emotional drama.

Q: What should I do if my ex BPD girlfriend contacts me unexpectedly?

A: Do not respond and set clear boundaries. Validate your own well-being and future plans by not giving her any emotional leverage.

Q: Can this behavior be a sign of genuine remorse or a desire for reconciliation?

A: While it is possible, it's important to remain cautious and set clear, firm boundaries. Such behavior often stems from emotional instability rather than genuine remorse.