What I Want More but Have Less

Life has a peculiar way of balancing our wants and needs. Born with nothing, I am left with most of it because life has a way of surprising us. Over the years, I realized that while I have gained much, there are certain things I long for more that seem elusive.

Peace of Mind

One of the most cherished things I have is a peace of mind. This tranquility is not just about being free from stress but a deep sense of inner calm that comes from letting go of unimportant things. My life is a constant dance between striving for financial success and finding pleasure in the present. Money, when it comes, seems more like a reality check than a reward for my countless hours of hard work. I have witnessed friends and acquaintances receiving unexpected sums of money, which they do not truly deserve, while I remain steadfast in my journey to fulfill my own duties and support.

The Value of Time

Even the relentless pursuit of money cannot buy time, a precious resource that is both finite and non-renewable. With the passage of years, I have come to realize the importance of cherishing each moment. Despite the occasional frustration with living paycheck to paycheck, I take immense joy in what I have, while also trying to uplift those who are less fortunate. Life lessons sometimes come with their own chapter, and I am grateful for each page.

Desires Unmet: Inner Quest

Another area where I feel unfulfilled is my own transportation. Having a personal vehicle allows me to have more freedom and independence. The idea of being restricted by public transportation systems every day is a constant reminder of what I wish I had.

Ironically, my desire extends beyond material possessions to include more patience, extroversion, and understanding of others. Growing up, I desired to be more level-headed, yet I often find myself reacting impulsively. Extroversion is something I admire, and it would enable me to make more friends and perhaps even experience real-life romance, rather than just bookish fantasies. Moreover, I wish I could better understand the feelings of those around me, a trait that would help me avoid unintentionally offending people.

Looking back, I had a period in high school where a crush made me feel valued and equal, which sadly disappeared when we parted ways. With time, I realized the attachment to others along with self-doubt hold me back. Self-doubt, a constant shadow figuring out our worth, often amplifies the judgment of others. As a student, I faced the consequences of leaving my small college, which became a source of reflection and self-doubt. Despite the appreciation from others, the pandemic and other personal setbacks have further fueled my insecurities.

Reflection and Gratitude

The path of self-reflection and growth is often filled with surprises and unexpected moments. It is in embracing our imperfections and shortcomings that we find the strength to move forward. More than anything else, I am grateful for the journey, the lessons learned, and the people who continue to support me.

To conclude, while I may often want more, I have less in some areas. But amidst the challenges and desires, there is much to be grateful for. It is through these reflections that we find peace, understand ourselves, and strive for a better tomorrow.