Was Benjen Stark Nicer to Jon than Ned Was?

This answer is nuanced and requires a deep dive into the complex relationships and motives of the characters in the renowned series, A Song of Ice and Fire by George R.R. Martin.

Understanding Benjen Stark’s Character

Benjen Stark, the oldest son of Eddard Stark and grandson of Lord Beric Dale of the Night's Watch, is often seen as a mysterious and deeply moral figure. His actions and decisions are often veiled in shadow, which adds to the intrigue surrounding his interactions with his family.

Benjen’s Knowledge and Relationship with Jon Snow

It is widely speculated that Benjen Stark indeed knows who Jon Snow is. The narrative clues in the books hint that the Knight of the Laughing Tree, who helped save Howland Reed, might actually be Lyanna Stark in disguise. Benjen, being a member of the Night's Watch and having a deep understanding of family secrets, would likely be aware of the entirety of the story.

From this theory, Benjen feels a great sense of guilt. He encouraged Lyanna to pursue her feelings and marry Rhaegar Targaryen, leading to the tragic demise of his entire family except himself and Ned. By joining the Night's Watch, Benjen takes the vow of Haven's Wardens to atone for his past mistakes. This decision makes it natural for Benjen to be kind to Jon, as he sees himself in Jon and finds solace in that connection.

Eddard Stark’s Position and Responsibilities

Contrary to Benjen, Ned Stark faces a much heavier burden. As a husband to Catelyn, father to Robb, Sansa, Arya, Bran, and Rickon, and a member of the House of Stark, Ned Stark cannot afford to reveal Jon’s true parentage. The exposure of Jon’s parentage could jeopardize the safety of the entire Stark family and the realm. Thus, Ned’s relationship with Jon is bound by these deep-seated responsibilities and the need to protect the kingdom and his beloved family.

Ned’s complex role as a family man and a lord who could potentially have his family and the kingdom put to risk, particularly if Jon’s true parentage is revealed, creates a barrier that significantly limits his ability to be as open and close with Jon as Benjen is.

Benjen’s Unconditional Affection

Benjen Stark’s treatment of Jon is often seen as a demonstration of unwavering loyalty and affection. Unlike Ned, who is bound by his duties and the potential dire consequences of revealing Jon’s parentage, Benjen can show his love for Jon without restraint. His relationship with Jon is rooted in a shared loss and a personal connection to Lyanna Stark, making it inherently more emotional and fulfilling for Benjen.

The fact that Benjen could have been aware of Jon’s parentage does not alter his unconditional bond with his nephew. Benjen’s actions, such as appearing at Winterfell and protecting Jon, are clear indicators of his deep affection and sense of duty to his family, regardless of his knowledge of Jon’s parents.

Conclusion

In essence, Benjen Stark’s relationship with Jon Snow is marked by a profound sense of kinship and shared history. His actions reflect a level of emotional investment that exceeds those of Ned Stark, who is constrained by his responsibilities and the potential dangers that arise from the revelation of Jon’s parentage.

This intricate portrayal of both characters highlights the complexity of family dynamics and the profound impact of shared history and personal connections in the expansive universe of A Song of Ice and Fire.