Understanding the Behavior of Individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder During Devaluation
Understanding the Behavior of Individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder During Devaluation
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a complex mental health condition that can be profoundly disruptive to personal relationships. One of the most distressing experiences for individuals with BPD, as well as their loved ones, is the dynamic of devaluation. Devaluation refers to the process wherein a person with BPD may dramatically shift their self-perception and perception of their partner or loved one, often rapidly and without warning.
Experiences with Untreated BPD
From personal accounts of those who have been in the midst of such relationships, devaluation can be a maddening and painful experience. In cases where BPD is untreated, the manifestation of devaluation can be stark. One individual recalling the impact of a partner with BPD stated, 'From being the very air he breathed to being a fat raggedy whore and dumb bitch, his words reflected a sudden drop in value for me. The behaviors during this devaluation were exceptionally childlike - name calling, attempts to make me jealous, breaking or stealing my things. When I pull away from the aftermath of the awful behavior, he showers me with tears of guilt and bursts of anger, then he’s ready to move on. This cycle of behavior leaves both parties confused and feeling hurt.'
Childlike Behaviors and Emotional Manipulation
The behaviors associated with devaluation, often likened to those of a child, can be bewildering and emotionally exhausting. The use of derogatory terms, name-calling, and emotional manipulation are not uncommon. These actions serve the individual with BPD to reduce the pain caused by the reality that the loved one is not reaching the fantasized ideal level. The partner becomes a secondary self-regulator, providing emotional support but also a source of significant distress due to inconsistencies and unpredictability.
Devaluation often involves a process of distance making. The individual with BPD feels the need to make the next parting seem inevitable by belittling the relationship and the loved one. This can include petty criticisms, stealing or breaking possessions, and emotional manipulation. The cycle of idealization and devaluation is a hallmark of BPD, where a partner is first elevated to an idealized status, then torn down. The extreme behaviors are not merely self-convincing; they may also be used to manipulate the loved one into feeling unworthy and justifying the devaluation.
The Motivation Behind Devaluation
The underlying motivation behind devaluation is often a desperate attempt to reduce the emotional pain caused by the gap between an idealized state and the harsh reality. It's a survival mechanism that has the individual reducing the value of the relationship to cope with the overwhelming emotions. Devaluation is not just a temporary phase but a recurring dynamic that can profoundly impact the relationship and the individual undergoing devaluation.
Psychological Perspective on Devaluation
From a psychological standpoint, devaluation can be viewed as a mechanism for the individual with BPD to maintain self-esteem and control. The sudden shift in perception can be a coping strategy to handle the intense emotional turmoil and instability. This does not mean that devaluation is a choice; rather, it is a result of underlying mental health issues that can be addressed through therapy.
It's important to note that not all individuals with BPD experience devaluation in the same way, and many do not devalue at all. However, for those who do, it can be a devastating and recurring experience. Understanding the underlying causes and triggers can help in seeking appropriate treatment and support.
Conclusion
The devaluation phase in individuals with BPD can be a complex and troubling experience, causing significant emotional distress. By understanding the underlying dynamics and motivations, it is possible to develop strategies for coping and seek appropriate help. Awareness and support from both individuals and mental health professionals can make a tremendous difference in managing the challenges of BPD and devaluation.