Understanding and Supporting Your Lesbian Granddaughter

Dealing with a young granddaughter who is struggling with her identity and expressing herself differently can be challenging. It's important to approach the situation with respect, patience, and an open heart. Here's a guide to better understanding and supporting her.

Respecting Her Feelings

Your granddaughter has come to you saying she is a lesbian. This isn't something she made up or just saying. Eleven is not too young to know one's emotions and attraction. I remember being in third grade, deeply in love with my best friend, Rachel. Despite the lack of appropriate terminology and the misguided values of my parents, my feelings were undeniably there. Today, if someone had explained to me that women could marry each other, I might have proposed to her. However, I'm glad I didn't know then, as I would have made an even bigger fool of myself than I did over her.

Recognizing the Validity of Her Feelings

Social and emotional development is complex, and there are many reasons why your granddaughter might be unhappy. She could be being bullied, struggling with classes, feeling unchallenged, dealing with mean teachers, or simply expressing herself in a way that feels natural to her. These reasons are likely more valid than the typical judgment that 'all eleven-year-olds hate school.'

Understanding Teenage Rebellion

Teenage rebellion is a natural part of growth. Your granddaughter's 'dressing weird' is a form of expressing her uniqueness and potentially rebelling against societal norms. Pre-teens and teens often experiment with their appearance, and this is often a way to establish their identity. It's crucial to support her rather than negate and invalidate her. If she's been punished for expressing herself, she may have developed coping mechanisms that are not easily seen on the surface.

Healthy Support and Guidance

Reflect on your parenting style and your approach to your own children. You mentioned that you have four children, and two of them are transgender, two bisexual, and one is a lesbian. All of them have had struggles with peers or teachers at some point, but were able to come to you for support. This suggests that your approach might be more open and supportive than you realize.

The Importance of Future Relationships

Continuing to negate and invalidate her feelings can have serious consequences. If she continues to feel unsupported, she may alienate herself from you. In a few years, you might only receive polite Christmas cards and occasional impersonal phone calls. Is this the kind of relationship you want to have with her?

A Call to Empathy and Understanding

It's important to acknowledge that times have changed. While you might have grown up with different values and beliefs, it's unfair to judge her based on the past. The experience of growing up is unique for every individual, and it's important to understand and support her journey, even if it means stepping out of your comfort zone.

Conclusion

Supporting your granddaughter in her journey of self-discovery is crucial. By showing her respect, understanding, and love, you can build a strong, positive relationship that will benefit both of you. Remember, every child's experience is unique, and your support can make a world of difference.