Understanding Gender Pronouns: Why and How They Reflect Identity

All individuals possess gender pronouns that are in sync with their gender identity. For some, these pronouns are he/him, while others may choose she/her or even they/them. In this article, we explore the reasons behind choosing one's gender pronouns and the impact it has on personal expression and well-being.

Why Do Some Choose He/Him or She/Her Pronouns?

For those whose gender identity aligns with the sex they were assigned at birth, choosing he/him or she/her pronouns is a straightforward and affirming process. For example, an individual assigned male at birth who identifies as a man will typically go by he/him pronouns. This choice helps reduce dysphoria and allows them to feel more authentic in their personal and professional lives.

Dysphoria is a term often used to describe feelings of discomfort or distress related to one's gender. When a person's pronouns accurately reflect their gender identity, it can significantly minimize these feelings and enhance overall well-being. Here’s an excerpt from a personal account:

“My pronouns are he/him possibly he/they. I chose them because they’re aligned with my gender identity as a man. Pronouns are gendered, and as mostly a man, I go by he/him pronouns. They reduce my dysphoria and affirm my masculinity.”

Non-Binary and Transgender Identity

For individuals whose gender identity does not align with the sex they were assigned at birth, the choice of gender pronouns becomes even more crucial. For example, a transgender individual may choose to use they/them pronouns because their assigned pronouns cause social dysphoria. In such cases, the chosen pronouns are not merely preferred but are felt to be required for maintaining mental health and self-acceptance:

“Because using the one assigned to me caused social dysphoria. It felt wrong whenever someone would use it some days and it was too much trouble to ask people to change pronouns with my gender so I decided on they/them.”

These choices can also come from a place of societal acceptance and support. An individual might choose she/her pronouns because they identify as a woman, reflecting their gender identity. In some cases, however, societal acceptance and support can be lacking, leading to a challenging environment for individuals to express their true selves.

The Importance of Mandatory Pronouns

Some people have the necessity to use specific pronouns dictated by their gender identity, which can be a matter of personal identity and validation. These pronouns are not just about social acceptability but are fundamental to an individual's sense of self:

“First my pronouns aren’t preferred they’re mandatory. My pronouns are she/her because I’m a woman. I didn’t choose that. What I chose was to allow others in on that knowledge so that they could know the real me.”

For many, the use of the assigned pronouns due to a supportive environment can prevent dysphoria and foster a healthier identity. Cisgender women, who identify with the gender they were assigned at birth, often accept being called “she” or “her” without issue, especially in environments that support their choices.

Challenges and Support in Choosing Pronouns

Choosing and using gender pronouns can be a complex and sometimes challenging process, particularly for children and adolescents. In such cases, a supportive and affirming environment is crucial to their well-being and acceptance. This is especially true for individuals who do not identify with their assigned gender at birth, as they may face opposition and, in some cases, violent reactions from those who do not accept their gender identity:

Early Opposition: These individuals may face intense opposition and violence from society at an early age, even from the people around them. Parents, educators, and peers might invalidate or refuse to acknowledge their gender identity, leading to a tumultuous journey of self-acceptance. Need for Support: A supportive environment is essential for these individuals. Family and social circles play a critical role in validating their choices, providing emotional support, and creating a safe space for them to express themselves. Community and Resources: Access to resources, such as mental health support, education, and community groups, can provide the necessary tools and knowledge for these individuals to navigate their gender identity and pronoun choices successfully.

Ultimately, understanding and respecting gender pronouns is not just a matter of linguistic etiquette but a fundamental aspect of inclusivity and respect for one's identity.

Conclusion

Choosing and using gender pronouns is a deeply personal act that reflects one's gender identity. For some, it is a simple matter of personal identity, while for others, it is a necessity due to the dysphoria caused by the mismatch between the assigned pronouns and their identified gender. Recognizing and respecting these choices is crucial for creating a more inclusive and supportive society for all individuals, regardless of their gender identity.