Will Trump go to hell?

The reality of Trump's afterlife sparks much curiosity and imagination. The truth, however, paints a much less dramatic picture. Herein, we delve into an unexpected yet fitting destination for Trump after his departure from this life.

Will He Be in Heaven or Hell?

Trump’s journey toward the afterlife is as tumultuous as the political arena he left behind. Heaven, with its believed celestial inhabitants singing praises, enjoying eternal bliss, and filled with the light of God, would be an unworthy reward for his turbulent political tenure. Likewise, the fires of hell, where he is tormented by a demon meticulously picking out unique tortures for him, each painstakingly designed, is not his fate either. Lucifer, in his absence, won’t be paying him regular visits to ensure he continues to suffer.

An Unexpected Afterlife: A Queuing Horror

Instead, Trump will spend his afterlife in a place one might not expect—an anonymous fast-food restaurant where reality and humor intertwine. This place, known as 'Mac’s', is merely a facade. The logo, eerily similar to McDonald’s, misled him into this queue, where the only offerings are vegan burgers. These burgers are not the familiar plant-based alternatives but rather dry lo-salt chickpea patties served on wholewheat rolls with a dab of salad and a choice of vegan cheese or mayo. The selection of condiments is limited, and most likely, he wouldn’t even recognize half of them.

The Uncomfortable Queue

In this low-stakes purgatory, Trump finds himself sandwiched between two bickering Muslim men in front of him, their conversation in Arabic emanating from mere inches away. Behind him, a harried single mother with three children is exhausting his patience. The smallest one keeps coughing on his legs, while the oldest continually teases him, shouting, 'Hey mister, you smell weird' and sniggering. The queue grinds to a halt, effectively standing still, as the head of the line is a highly articulate black businesswoman whose custom order about a Veggie Melt without salad has brought the kitchen to a standstill. Her issue is further complicated by the language barrier and the manager’s insistence on explaining the order in full detail.

Rather than recognizing him, he receives looks of indifference as if they saw a vision of the other side every day. His efforts to use his mobile phone for a connection become futile. The wifi signal is being gobbled up by somebody else, and lying just beyond reach is a toilet with its door sealed off by a note reading 'Out of Order.' With nowhere else to turn, and for reasons unexplained, he is trapped in this eternal queue, his afterlife nothing more than a permanent stand in line at ‘Mac’s’.

Final Thoughts

Trapped in this realm of the mundane and the ridiculous, Trump's afterlife will be a far cry from the expected heavens or hells. The irony is that even his torment is absurd and unimaginative. His afterlife, in the context of the macabre, can be seen as a parody of the expectations we might have about life after death. This piece of dark humor serves to remind us that the real universe, and afterlife, might not be as dramatic as we often imagine.