The Struggle of Parenting When a Child is in Prison: A Personal Perspective

As a parent, the situation of your child being in jail is undoubtedly one of the most challenging experiences you can go through. The weight of parental guilt can be overwhelming, making you question your influence and the choices you made. In this article, I share my own journey and the emotions that accompanied my son’s incarceration, highlighting the harsh realities that parents face in such situations.

Accepting the Sentence vs. Blaming Yourself

When my son was sentenced to prison, my initial response was not to accept the sentence. Instead, I found myself questioning my own role in the situation, constantly asking myself, 'What part did I play in this?'

The situation became even more difficult when I considered the alternatives: visiting your sister in prison or visiting her in a cemetery. It was hard to imagine the pain and doubt that could arise from either of these scenarios.

When my son was a teenager, he made some tough choices. I always believed that as a parent, it is crucial to teach your children right from wrong. When he got into trouble, I encouraged him to handle it himself, knowing that his actions were wrong.

Blame and the Mother-Son Relationship

When your child is in jail, the blame can come from unexpected directions, including your own family. After my son was sentenced, I flew cross-country back to my hometown, only to face blame from my own mother for his situation. It was a harsh reality that even though my son hadn’t lived with me for 20 years, his motherly judgment still held me responsible.

These experiences highlight the complex emotions and relationships that can be affected when a child is incarcerated. It’s a painful reminder that the bond between parent and child is irreplaceable, but not always easy to maintain in the face of such adversity.

Understanding the Legal System

Many factors come into play when a child is sentenced to prison. Some crimes are more serious than others, but even relatively minor offenses, such as unpaid traffic tickets, shoplifting, DWI (with or without accidents), rape, murder, or domestic violence, can lead to incarceration. In some cases, time in prison might not feel like a punishment at all, especially for those who have been struggling to make ends meet or have been involved in illegal activities.

The legal system can often feel corrupt and heartless. The treatment of parents in these situations by the legal system is often overlooked. In many cases, it feels as though the laws are made to disadvantage parents, with little support provided for emotional and practical challenges.

The Lingering Emotions

The emotions that come with a child in jail can be very difficult to manage. It’s often disheartening to see a loved one, especially a child, stuck in a system that seems to care more about enforcing the law than about the well-being of the family. The legal system often seems like a force that is beyond manipulation, leaving parents feeling helpless.

Despite the challenges, it’s important to find a way to cope with the situation. As a parent, it’s crucial to maintain hope and seek support from friends, family, and possibly professional counselors. It’s also important to remember that even in the face of guilt and blame, there are ways to find support and understanding.

Many parents report feeling like they are losing touch with their own identities as they navigate the complexities of a loved one in prison. It’s a struggle to maintain a sense of self while also providing the necessary support and care for your child.

Ultimately, the experience of having a child in prison is a multifaceted journey that involves emotional, social, and legal challenges. It’s important to find support systems and to focus on self-care while advocating for your child and seeking justice within the system.