The Journey of Suffering and Redemption: A Personal Reflection on God's Providence

I've wrestled with the same question off and on for much of my life, and asked God the same question countless times:

Why does God prevent some bad things from happening while allowing even more bad things to happen to innocent people?

Life hasn't always been kind to me as I was born with a chronic muscle-wasting disease, which took away my ability to walk when I was 15. This condition has significantly impacted my life, taking away much joy and happiness. I've spent much of my time in waiting rooms and doctor's offices, often missing out on events and social gatherings due to my physical limitations. People have often been disrespectful, judging, and treating me differently due to my wheelchair. Despite these challenges, I have also met some of the most genuine people and made some of my closest friends because of my unique situation. This has allowed me to see the best in people.

Struggles with Mental Health

In recent years, I've also struggled with anxiety, depression, and a sense of low self-esteem. These mental health challenges have been even harder to cope with than my physical condition. When I sank into depression for the first time, it sent me down a dark road of despair, isolating myself from others. This period lasted a year, and it nearly destroyed my life. Even so, because of my high-functioning depression, it was difficult for others to notice my struggles.

Following that depression, my anxiety skyrocketed, making it almost impossible to function normally. The anxiety induced panic attacks, sleeplessness, and a sense of dread every morning. Like my depression, my anxiety was high-functioning, making it easy for me to hide my struggles, even from friends and loved ones. This combined struggle with depression and anxiety led me to spiral back into depression, driving me to unhealthy coping mechanisms and behaviors.

A Light at the End of the Tunnel

Thankfully, over the last year, I've experienced a significant turnaround. I've gotten closer to God and have a better support system than I've had in years. This has reignited my hope and determination to help others suffering from similar mental health issues.

One of my goals is to become a counselor after graduating from college. I want to share my journey and experiences to help others navigate their own mental health struggles. In the meantime, I'm taking steps to address my own mental health by seeking professional help and opening up about my experiences.

Evidence of God's Providence

What I've come to realize after much prayer and contemplation is that everyone experiences suffering, but none of us can control or pick the cards we are dealt. However, this does not mean that God is not in control. God knows what we are like and the struggles we will face before we are even born. He intentionally places us in situations that will ultimately lead to our highest potential for growth and character development.

Through the psalms and the Bible, God promises us that when we suffer, He is with us, and Jesus, who suffered and died for our sins, understands our suffering. He promises not to leave us in our suffering and that He will redeem the world through us. Our suffering, though painful, is a way for God to develop our character, personality, and everything that makes us unique.

Consider the famous verse in Psalms 139, which says, 'For You have formed my inward parts; You have knit me together in my mother's womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well.' This verse emphasizes that each person has a unique and valuable place in God's plan, much like the sand footprints in the 'Footprints in the Sand' poem. No one else has or ever will have the exact life experiences that make us who we are.

My final realization through my journey of suffering is that, while living in this broken world is hard, it is only temporary. One day, Jesus is coming back to make everything right. The book of Revelation in the Bible promises us a future where there will be no more sorrow or crying, pain or death. 'He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death, mourning or crying or pain' (Revelation 21:4).

A Poem for Reflection

I want to leave you with a poem I read one time called 'Footprints in the Sand' by Ryan Hart:

One night I dreamed a dream. As I was walking along the beach with my Lord. Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to me and one to my Lord. After the last scene of my life flashed before me, I looked back at the footprints in the sand. I noticed that at many times along the path of my life, especially at the very lowest and saddest times, there was only one set of footprints. This really troubled me so I asked the Lord about it. He whispered '

Theodicy involves understanding and explaining the existence of evil and suffering in a world where God is assumed to be omnipotent and benevolent. The journey of facing and overcoming struggles ultimately leads to a deeper understanding of God's providence and the importance of our unique place in the world.