Tackling Borderline Personality Disorder: What Partners Need to Know

Dealing with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can be incredibly challenging, and relationships within these dynamics are often fraught with difficulties. You might be wondering if it's possible for someone to successfully treat their partner's BPD through personal effort. Unfortunately, there's no simple answer to this, as only professional targeted intensive treatment has been shown to effectively help. Having an enabler, or a codependent, can actually do more harm than good, exacerbating issues for those with BPD and their loved ones.

Understanding the Dynamics of BPD and Enabling

It's a misconception that you can help your partner by getting into a relationship to "treat" them. Many individuals with BPD have dysfunctional relationships, often due to their inability to manage toxic behaviors and expectations. BPD is a severe mental illness, characterized by a specific pattern of maladaptive traits or behaviors that are dysfunctional and maladaptive.

BPD is marked by a strong fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, intense emotional reactions, and an unstable sense of self. People with BPD often seek intense, emotionally intense relationships, thinking that they can find the unconditional love and support they need. However, adults don't love in the same way a parent loves a child, and relationships are meant to be partnerships, not caregiver/recipient dynamics.

The Importance of Personal Characteristics in Dealing with Others

Among personal characteristics, kindness and intelligence are often valued, but treating others with respect and honesty might be the most crucial. The nature of BPD often leads individuals to rely heavily on others for validation, often at the expense of their own well-being. This can perpetuate negative patterns and hinder the development of healthy, independent relationships.

The Role of Codependency in BPD Relationships

Enabling behaviors and codependency are prevalent in relationships with individuals who have BPD. Codependent individuals often take on the role of the caretaker or healer, while the partner with BPD continues to engage in problematic behaviors. This dynamic creates an unbalanced and unhealthy relationship where both individuals often suffer.

It's crucial for partners and caregivers to identify clear boundaries and maintain their own well-being. Without clear boundaries, the caregiver may become enmeshed in the BPD's cycles of behavior, leading to significant emotional and physical strain. Rather than trying to fix or save their partner, it's essential to encourage professional help and provide support while respecting these boundaries.

Avoiding the misconception that you can heal your partner through personal effort is vital. Just as it wouldn't be advisable for someone to attempt surgery on their partner for a brain tumor without proper medical training, treating a severe mental illness should be left to trained professionals.

Support Systems and Therapeutic Options

There are numerous support systems available for those dealing with BPD, including Coda 12 Steps, which provides a framework for understanding and addressing codependency. Attending therapy for codependency can also be beneficial, as many partners exhibit similar unhealthy traits, and both can benefit from professional guidance.

Encouraging your partner to seek targeted treatment through therapy, particularly dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), can significantly improve their condition and the overall well-being of the relationship. Professionals trained in treating BPD can provide the necessary tools and support to manage symptoms effectively.

Conclusion

While you can offer support and encouragement for your partner to seek professional help, taking on the role of a therapist or healer can be detrimental to both your well-being and your partner's recovery. Remember, the most effective approach is to seek out and provide support through professional channels, ensuring that both individuals can work towards a healthier, more balanced relationship.

By providing a supportive environment that respects boundaries and encourages healthy growth, you can play a significant role in helping your partner on their journey to recovery. It's important to prioritize self-care and maintain a healthy relationship, even if it means taking a step back when enabling behaviors arise.