Surviving Narcissistic Abuse: Detaching from Trauma Bonds and Moving Forward

This journey isn't just about surviving the abuse; it's about learning to live despite it. Many survivors of narcissistic abuse find themselves trapped in a cycle of trauma bonds, where the psychological and emotional toll of the abuse becomes normalized and overwhelming. How do you detach from these bonds and reclaim your life? This article explores the steps taken by one survivor to move forward, empowering others who are in a similar situation.

My Journey to Recovery

After the inevitable full no-contact period where I severed all ties with the abusive individual, I was left to reframe my narrative. The process of changing the internal dialogue cannot be overstated. I began to love and support myself fiercely, and it was within this self-compassion that I slowly started to heal. The abuse had distorted my view of reality, but I forced the truth to seep through every layer of my being.

I would get mad for the child that I used to be. It is not my burden to bear the wrongness of what was done to me. I acknowledge that I was a child, and it is the abuser's responsibility to bear that burden. I let go of that heavy emotional weight and let it go.

Forgiveness and Letting Go

Forgiveness isn't about absolving the abuser; it’s about releasing myself from the state of victimhood, which I saw as a form of stagnation. Forgiveness is a powerful tool for setting oneself free from the chains of the past. Without it, healing is nearly impossible. It is worth every ounce of work.

I found solace in yoga and yogic breathing, which helped to shift my mindset and reconnect my heart, body, and mind. It was a journey of reconnecting with the self that had long been disconnected from the cognitive and physical dissonance brought on by family scapegoat abuse. Allowing myself to stop chasing the love of people who had abused me or denied the truth of my life was a monumental step.

Reconnecting with the True Self

It was crucial to reconnect with the true self. I learned who I was and what I liked. I started to make mistakes, and it was okay to do so. The realization that I didn't have to do everything for everyone came as a relief. I no longer wanted to be remembered only in the past, and I didn't want to be forgotten in the present.

Changing the Narrative

Challenging the narrative and changing the dialogue in my heart and mind was essential. I no longer sought the approval or love of rank child abusers, betrayers, covert monsters, criminal cowards. I saw them for who they were, and I allowed that perspective to permeate every layer of my being.

Embracing Accountability

It is important for survivors to take the time to recount and take inventory of what happened. They are the only witnesses to what the child within them experienced. Honor that child's testimony and work to release it. It's not about the past - it's about reclaiming the future.

When your mind turns back to the negative pattern, gently and firmly turn it forward to your truth and your desired future. Don't let the abuser continue to decide for you. It is never too late to change your narrative, and it is always within you to create a good future.

Challenges and Hope

But not everyone has the means to seek professional help or build a support system. It's a reality that one must face. If you find yourself in a similar situation, here are a few steps you can take:

Consider online therapy or free resources available through community centers or non-profits. Build a virtual support network through social media or online forums focused on survivors of abuse. Start small by setting small, achievable goals each day.

Remember, you are not alone, and you are capable of healing. It's a journey that requires patience, persistence, and a commitment to self-love and support.