Prison Life and Transformation: A Personal Journey

2,318 days. That's how long I stayed in prison, and it drastically changed me in ways I didn't even realize. It's a journey that continues to shape who I am today.

Prison, to many, is a place with no freedom—much like being born into a life with limitations. Growing up, I heard the phrase ‘don’t and stop’ so often that by the age of five, I began to develop a sense of alienation. Interacting with others became the most challenging but rewarding aspect of my life.

Surviving and Transforming

With nearly 40 years behind bars, I faced a significant challenge that tested my resilience. My longest stay was 22 years, ending in 2015. Spending such a prolonged period in prison doesn't fundamentally change a person, but it does leave an indelible mark. I've become a lone wolf, highly distrustful, and rather disheartened. Yet, I became adept at surviving within these confines.

In prison, when someone offends you, you cannot ignore it—failing to do so can make you a target of bullies. Those who go to prison can be categorized as either good or bad. The good often emerge from their experience with a renewed desire to do better, while the bad exhibit an unrelenting thirst for causing pain. Those who face prolonged imprisonment are often those who have been involved in violent acts.

Tribes Within Prison

Prisons house three main categories of individuals. The first are those who, although unhappy, continue to attempt changing their behavior. Despite their best intentions, they often succumb to violent urges. The second group consists of individuals who derive pleasure from inflicting pain and harming others. The third group comprises those who recognize their brokenness and strive to find solutions. For me, it took a lifetime to understand why I was broken, followed by another lifetime to address it.

Challenges and Reflections

Tragedy struck when I was diagnosed with cancer. With limited health prospects, I must face this ordeal alone. I'll be utilizing public transportation for my surgery and rely on my own efforts for recovery. I am the architect of my circumstances, and there is no one to blame but myself for the life I have lived.

I hope those I have hurt, either mentally, psychologically, or physically, can find it in their hearts to forgive me. I remember harboring thoughts of revenge against those I perceived as wronging me. However, as I walked back to the bus stop, anger dissipated, and plans for retaliation were vanquished. The bus driver even took me to Pittsburg for free, and a cousin I hadn't seen in over two decades offered me a ride to Philadelphia with the remaining money I had. This newfound calm brought a series of fortunate events.

Despite my hard-fought efforts to establish a home, I cannot afford to spend what I saved. I hope to pass my inheritance to a sister I have not spoken to in over 35 years. Whether I return or not, I am at peace and unafraid.

Conclusion

My experiences in prison have profoundly transformed me. While it could have gone differently, I am thankful for the challenges that have shaped my character. Though the road ahead is uncertain, I have found a sense of peace and will face whatever comes with grace and acceptance.