What do White People Usually Do When Their Children Misbehave?

Introduction

As a white parent, I often find myself explaining to others the methods I use to raise my children. Color has no bearing on the way I teach my kids—instead, effective discipline and consistent guidance are key. My three kids have grown up educated, employed, and well-adjusted individuals, thriving without any criminal records or drug problems.

Early Discipline and Learning to Behave

This is what I did: When my toddlers first began walking, they would head straight for the electrical outlets. In these moments, I used firm, clear, and consistent communication to establish boundaries. I would yell “No!” in a loud voice and, if they persisted, lightly swat their diaper with a firm but gentle “No!”

While the child would initially be upset and injured, it was more about their emotional response and being caught off guard by the swat. My primary goal was to reinforce the idea that non-compliance would result in consequences.

Empathy and Reassurance

After setting down the child, I would provide hugs and reassurance that we would not repeat this mistake. By addressing the issue directly and consistently, I helped the child understand the importance of listening to adults.

Opting for Understanding and Communication

This consistent approach created a line of communication, starting from the earliest stages of childhood. Had I chosen to let them do whatever they wanted and ignored their misbehavior, I would have faced much greater challenges later on.

It’s crucial to start early and involve yourself actively in your child’s upbringing. By maintaining open channels of communication and setting clear boundaries, you can provide a smooth transition through the teenage years.

Reflecting on Negative Examples

As a white parent, I want to share a couple of experiences that highlight the importance of thoughtful discipline. One instance involved tutoring foster children, where a foster mother subjected a handicapped child to physical and emotional abuse. Another example occurred when witnessing a parent hit their child in a parking lot, demonstrating a harsh and damaging approach to discipline.

Instead, I believe in a calm, controlled, and educational approach to discipline. If I witnessed the same scenario, I would first assess the situation, ensuring there was no immediate danger before providing a gentle yet firm lesson.

Parents, especially white parents, should consider the methods they use to discipline their children. The goal is to foster understanding and compliance rather than fear and hostility.

Success and Discipline

It's worth noting that white parents often use an educational and nurturing approach to raise their children. This contrasts with the high educational success seen in certain social classes, as highlighted in Outliers. The book discusses how middle-class parents actively prepare their children for success, which has a significant impact beyond the child’s innate intelligence.

My approach aligns with the principles of teaching, empathy, and consistent guidance, all of which help children develop into responsible and caring adults.