Navigating the Journey of Discovery: What to Do When You Discover You Are Adopted

Discovering that you are adopted can be a significant life event that brings a whirlwind of emotions. It's natural to have a mix of emotions, and each one is valid. Understanding the steps to take in this situation can help you navigate your journey and find closure.

Understanding Your Emotions

It is perfectly normal to feel a range of emotions when you discover you are adopted. Some common feelings include anger, relief, and loneliness. Anger might arise from the fact that your parents did not disclose this information earlier. It's a form of omission and a more convenient and comfortable choice for them, which might have been at the expense of your knowledge.

Relief can emerge because you now have an answer to your feelings of not quite fitting in. Perhaps you noticed differences in looks or traits, or even comments from aunts or uncles. Knowing the truth can provide a sense of relief. However, it's equally important to address the loneliness that may come with this discovery. Don't isolate yourself; seek support from trusted individuals, preferably other adoptees or adoption professionals, to navigate these complex emotions.

Balancing Your Feelings and Decisions

The journey of discovery is unique to each individual. Some adoptees are curious about their birth families, while others are not. I have two adopted sons from different families, each with distinct feelings. One wants to know his birth family, while the other doesn't care. Similarly, one is content with being adopted, while the other wishes he could have been raised by his birth mother.

There is no specific protocol or way you must be. I recommend slowly acclimating to this new information and expressing gratitude for being adopted. Thank your mother profusely for choosing you, promise her that you will always be available to her in times of need, and fulfill your duties as her child. If you decide to, you can also express your willingness to adopt a child when you grow up.

Seeking Professional Guidance

Counseling from a therapist specializing in adoption or joining an adoptee support group can be beneficial. These professionals can provide unwavering support and help you process your emotions. It's important to take time to make informed decisions about your birth family, as some stories might be joyful, while others could be hurtful. Don't rush into this process without a plan.

Conclusion

Discovering you are adopted can be a life-changing event, filled with a myriad of emotions and decisions. Remember, it's okay to feel angry, relieved, or alone. Seeking support and guidance from trusted sources can help you navigate this journey. Ultimately, the key is to take things at your own pace and make choices that bring you peace and satisfaction.