Navigating Mental Health Challenges and Disclosure to Coaches: A Personal Account

Discussing one's mental health can be a daunting task, especially when it involves disclosing such personal struggles to those in authoritative positions like coaches. Today, I want to share my experience of navigating these challenges.

Understanding My Mental Health Struggles

As someone facing anger issues due to non-prescription of mood stabilizers, I often experience unusual and disturbing phenomena like hearing wings flapping at the edge of my bed—a very quiet, audible hallucination. Despite these unsettling experiences, I find solace in listening to the soothing music of Louis Armstrong. However, my mental health is not always as calm.

The Struggle with Panic Attacks

Recently, my sports coach, M, and his counterpart, J, were abruptly informed about my mental health and panic attacks. To put things into perspective, here is a detailed account of what transpired:

On August 31, during a tornado warning at my gymnastics gym, the lights flickered, and the environment was chaotic. Anxiety started to overwhelm me, especially since I have triggers that involve loud, crowded areas. My friend, A, observed the onset of a panic attack and called over Coach M, someone I had previously confided in. Coach M acted immediately, trying to calm me down. Although it helped, my situation was still precarious, and he suggested I should sit with my friends, which only increased my discomfort due to my past experiences with male figures.

The Aftermath and Consequences

Despite my efforts to put on a composed facade and continue with my practice, the situation only worsened as I couldn't fully relax. It's important to note that I hadn't mentioned this to my mom, who often brushes off my concerns about my mental health, perceiving them as mere fits for attention.

Coach M approached J, and I had no control over this situation. My mind raced with worst-case scenarios, and I was left in limbo, wondering if my mom would find out. My stress levels hit an all-time high, leading me to revisit this incident quite frequently over the past four months, which has severely affected my sleep as well.

A Missed Reveal

Thankfully, the anxiety wasn't in vain. It turned out that Coach M had not told J after all. This revelation did not come without relief, but it also brought a wave of frustration and anger at myself for having such intense reactions. The whole ordeal has taught me a lot about self-awareness and the importance of trusting the right individuals with my health challenges.

In conclusion, dealing with mental health issues can be incredibly challenging, especially when it involves sharing such personal struggles openly. It's crucial to find the right support within one's environment and to give oneself time to process the emotions associated with such disclosures.