Dealing with Family Disputes Over the Holidays?

For many, the holiday season is a joyous time filled with love and togetherness. However, not everyone has smooth sailing. Arguments and disputes can arise, especially with large family gatherings. This article explores these common issues and offers some insight into managing and minimizing them.

The Nature of Holiday Disputes

Typically, we anticipate festive seasons to be free from friction. While it's true that close family members may argue less, the likelihood of disputes decreases as we grow older and more comfortable with each other. On the other hand, those who aren't as close might not see the point in bickering, given the temporary nature of the situation. In my case, my family has a history of constant bickering and problems, but as an adult, I've taken steps to surround myself with easygoing and happy people, especially during the holidays.

A Family of Avoidance and Harmony

I grew up in a family notorious for frequent arguments, but as an adult, I've made a conscious effort to create a different environment. My current circle of family—mostly including my kids, grandchildren, and husband—enjoys excellent rapport. We avoid unnecessary tension and focus on creating positive memories. Life is too short to deal with difficult people, so I choose to distance myself from them.

Common Points of Conflict

When disagreements do occur, they often revolve around trivial matters such as where to go for festive dinners, who's responsible for cooking, child care, or cleaning up, and even the awkwardness of dividing shared resources like shrimp and cocktail sauce. Political discussions are a no-go for us, and this policy extends even beyond the holidays. While our children love each other and get along well, they, too, can become the subject of disagreements arising from misunderstandings or past grievances.

Comparative Family Experiences

My perspective is enriched by the varied experiences of my family. My parents have always grown anxious when we joke about certain songs, or bring up topics that remind us that we are our own individuals. These little disputes can escalate into larger arguments. On the other hand, this year, my family managed to have a harmonious dinner, even when the server dropped a hot bread basket. However, other years have not been as smooth, with fights often centered on photo-taking, attitudes, and gift-giving. These issues are typical of many families during the holiday season.

Setting Boundaries for a Positive Holiday Season

For a truly enjoyable festive season, it's crucial to maintain a positive atmosphere. Any negativity must be immediately addressed and managed. One family tradition that works for me is declining to engage with any disputes. I ensure that my home and table are ready for celebration, not for conflict. If tensions arise, the expectation is that the family members will step away and address their issues elsewhere. It's not about suppressing or ignoring issues, but about handling them in a manner that respects everyone's peace of mind.

Ultimately, creating a supportive and happy environment during the holidays is about setting and maintaining clear boundaries, understanding each other's needs, and focusing on the moments that truly matter. Family traditions can vary, but the core of a positive family holiday often lies in these principles. How does your family handle disagreements during the holidays? Share your experiences in the comments below.