Do Narcissists Really Think Their Victims Think Just Like Them?

In order for the personality disordered narcissist to truly understand whether or not their victim thinks like them, they would need insight. This is a complex assertion since, in most cases, it would necessitate a level of empathy that is absent in the narcissist. Thinking, in its core essence, is feeling, and it is a defining characteristic of narcissists that they do not possess true empathetic capabilities. They do have the ability to communicate and connect emotionally, but often, it is based on manipulation and control rather than true understanding.

Empathy in the World of Narcissists

The question of understanding another's thoughts truly is one that requires communication and emotional connection. Yet, in the context of a narcissist, this connection is often forced and one-sided. Narcissists, particularly those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), exhibit behaviors that demonstrate a lack of empathy. Their communication often involves questioning the victim's thoughts and actions, all the while attempting to assert superiority and control over the conversation.

A prominent example of this behavior might be a narcissist who constantly references their own thoughts and smarts, often asking, "You didn't think of that, did you?" This question is designed not only to assert their superiority but also to challenge the victim's thought processes, ultimately seeking a response that aligns with their own.

Witnessing a Moment of Realization

One such instance was when my acquaintance finally expressed a viewpoint that he found truly alien. After repeatedly comparing his thoughts to mine, in a moment of stark realization, I stated, "I am never going to think like you do, and I don’t want to!" The look on his face was priceless. It conveyed a moment of genuine surprise and likely disbelief that I would so adamantly refuse to conform to his way of thinking. This look confirmed for me that, even more than I realized, he genuinely believed I should think like he does.

Typically, he does not respond well to conversations that do not center around himself. When confronted with thoughts or actions that diverge from his own, he often becomes silent, demonstrating a clear discomfort with the lack of alignment. For instance, parking the car improperly might lead to inquiries like, “Why did you park it there? How could you be so stupid to make me move my truck, especially after a long day?” These questions reflect a deep-seated belief that I should act and think exactly as he does. If I fail to comply, he often engages in a condescending, critical dialogue aimed at altering my perspective to match his own.

The Continuous Struggle of a Victim

The narcissist's manipulation is relentless. They spend countless hours trying to get others to think like them, often by presenting numerous points that they believe will sway the other individual. This process is not merely about getting the other person to align with their thoughts but also about diminishing their own, often putting them down in the process.

For example, when I mention parking the car in a certain way, he not only questions it but also implies that I should think about it in the way he would. This line of questioning goes beyond mere curiosity; it suggests that his way of thinking is the only correct or acceptable way. If later it is revealed that I didn’t side with his perspective, he might use it as a tool to further reinforce his belief that I should think like he does.

The journey of understanding and dealing with a narcissist is filled with such epiphanies, moments of realization, and continuous efforts to maintain one's own identity in the face of such pressure. While the narcissist might think they have everything figured out, in reality, they are simply mirroring their own insecurities and desires, projecting them onto others while denying any flaws in their own thinking.