My Movie Erasure Theory: From Ghostbusters to Citizen Kane and Beyond

Removing Ghostbusters (2016)

Of all the movies that could be removed from existence, The 2016 Ghostbusters is one that instantly comes to mind. Despite its significant cultural impact, this flick deserves the grievance of malediction. Here's why:

1. Bad Acting

The performances in the 2016 Ghostbusters fall short, with some actors especially struggling to bring depth and authenticity to their roles. The lack of chemistry between the characters makes it difficult for the audience to invest in the narrative.

2. Weird Storyline

The plot meanders through a series of illogical and nonsensical events. The story's reliance on gimmicks and clichés feels more like an attempt to cater to contemporary audiences than to tell a solid, engaging tale.

3. Gender Swap Misfires

The idea of gender-swapping the original Ghostbusters was a misfire, alienating longtime fans while failing to appeal to a broader audience. The concept was rooted more in seeking controversy than in naval research or storytelling prowess.

In its absence, a more faithful and cohesive Ghostbusters film could have built upon the legacy of the 1984 and 1989 franchises, leading to an even more spectacular trilogy. Here’s how the timeline could have looked:

1984: Ghostbusters 1989: Ghostbusters II 2016: Ghostbusters: Afterlife 2021: Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire 2024: Ghostbusters 5 2029: Ghostbusters 6

Retaining Citizen Kane

Speaking of controversial choices, while The 2016 Ghostbusters is a tough call, there’s one movie that many would agree on for eradication – The Birth of a Nation. But, as counterintuitive as it may seem, I would propose keeping Citizen Kane instead of erasing it. Many hold this film in the highest esteem, but I argue it’s overrated and overhyped.

Argument Against Citizen Kane

Here are the reasons why:

Overrated: Citizens often praise Citizen Kane for its innovative storytelling techniques, but these innovations can be seen as gimmicks rather than organic narrative progress. Overdiscussed: The film is constantly referenced in discussions about cinema, but often without a deep understanding of its impact or limitations. Value to Teachers: Keeping the film in the curriculum might be a burden for some educators but it’s an essential part of film history. It would be obsolete if it wasn’t available for study.

Ultimately, while I wouldn’t erase it, the film’s importance is often exaggerated, and it’s more important for critics and teachers to think critically about the film's place in history.

Destroying Looney Tunes and Tale of a Lightweight

The Looney Tunes franchise, especially featuring Sylvester the cat, holds a special place in my heart. However, the recent turn-of-events that have taken place in the franchise regarding Tale of a Lightweight spoiled any goodwill. The most egregious example of this is the new Tweety film. If I could erase one movie, it would be this one.

Why? Disrespect to Characters: The new film did irreparable damage to Tweety by portraying him in a harmful and controversial manner. Off-Context Plot: The storyline was completely disconnected from the essence of who Tweety is, which is a plucky, adorable bird with a love for cereal. Branding Violation: The movie went against the very spirit of the Looney Tunes characters, which are known for their charm, wit, and resilience.

It’s so bad that I highly recommend avoiding even looking at the promotional material. Trust me, you won’t regret it.

Impact of The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi

When discussing movies that could reverse the tide of cinematic or even cultural history, The Force Awakens or The Last Jedi emerge as crucial candidates. If the movie ripple effects can go backwards, then the outcome of erasing either of these films would have a seismic impact on the Star Wars universe.

1. The Force Awakens

If we consider the ripple effects that could alter the course of film history, The Force Awakens (2015) is a significant point of contention. This film initiated a new era of Star Wars that would have drastically different sequels if it were erased. The original trilogy's legacy would be restored, and the Star Wars universe would be more cohesive.

2. The Last Jedi

On the other hand, if the ripple effect is limited to the present and does not alter the past, then The Last Jedi (2017) would be the one to affect the timeline. The Last Jedi is often credited for ruining the sequel trilogy, and its erasure would likely be seen as a critical decision by many fans and critics alike.

Choosing Der Sieg des Glaubens

In a world where only one movie can be removed, one odd choice stands out: Der Sieg des Glaubens (The Victory of Faith, 1927). This silent German film, known for its controversial anti-Semitic themes, could be the movie that disrupts global history if erased. The film's influence on Nazi ideology is well-documented, and erasing it would constitute a significant step in the annihilation of extremist thought and propaganda.

Guillermo Del Toro’s Animated Flop: Food Fight

Finding the right movie to obliterate can be a challenging task, given the vast history of cinema. However, one animated film that definitely deserves to be wiped from existence is Food Fight (2015). This film, produced by Guillermo del Toro, is infamous for its poor execution and absurd storyline. Fans of del Toro were particularly disappointed with the project, which was a comedic fantasy that failed to deliver on any level.

The ripple effect of removing Food Fight from existence would be primarily comedic, with the internet replete with meme videos and parodies of the film. It is a fitting addition to del Toro's extensive body of work, one that he can be proud to forget.

Finding a Theory within the Turmoil of Erasure

Erasing a movie from existence is not just about nostalgia or personal preference. It’s about understanding the impact of cinema on society and the cultural zeitgeist. While erasing The 2016 Ghostbusters, Citizen Kane, Tale of a Lightweight, The Force Awakens, or The Last Jedi would certainly shake the foundations of certain narratives, it’s also a testament to the power of film. It’s in the erasure of bad movies that we see the true value of creativity and storytelling.

So, which movie would you remove from existence? Share your thoughts in the comments and let’s flesh out this fascinating theory!