My Journey: Love vs. Arranged Marriage

When it comes to marriage, every individual's experience is unique. Some cherish the warmth of a love marriage, while others find solace in the traditional arrangements of arranged marriages. Both have their pros and cons, and each carries a distinct set of first meeting experiences that can shape the course of a marital life.

Arranged Marriages: A Corporate Interview in Disguise

When an arranged marriage is in the picture, the first meeting is often a far cry from the romanticised concept of two people simply meeting. It's more akin to a rigorous corporate interview with layers of scrutiny and questions, each one peering into different facets of your life.

For instance, the visit to our house during a arranged marriage process felt similar to a courtroom with many interviewers all at once. The questions thrown at me were as diverse as they were relentless. Starting off with the basics like the salary bracket and proof thereof, siblings and their education, or the size and details of the family property. My nose almost bled from trying to remember and answer all the questions simultaneously. Even questions from an 14-year-old boy that threw me off guard, like past affairs and their status, made me want to detach my head.

Amidst these questions, I was also expected to speak to the prospective girl to gauge her interest and compatibility. Eventually, I politely declined, citing my unwillingness to join "their institution" and suggesting they look for another suitable candidate. It's a stark contrast to the smooth flow of a love marriage first meeting experience.

Love Marriages: A Natural Connection

In a world where people value love above all else, a love marriage first meeting is a natural progression. It's about slowly building a connection and understanding. For me, it was a simple yet heartfelt invitation to bring my partner over so my parents could meet him. The atmosphere was relaxed and comfortable, with my parents immediately taking a liking to him.

Following this, my parents visited his family. It was also a pretty cool meeting with no awkward silences or uncomfortable conversations. Everything unfolded better than we had imagined, and it only added to the excitement of what lay ahead.

Challenges in Love vs. Arranged Marriage

While love marriages offer a smoother first meeting experience, arranged marriages come with a series of challenges that can be both detrimental and life-changing. One such challenge in an arranged marriage was a clash of cultural and personal values with my partner.

My partner belonged to a conservative family, where premarital sex, alcohol, and smoking were taboo. When he asked me about my involvement in such activities, my response was a resounding rejection. His stance was that I shouldn't be an issue for the future, especially since he didn't want a girl who was non-virgin.

These incidents, speaking from the depths of the past, took place almost 30 years ago. It was as if the world had shifted since then. In the first instance, I was asked to perform a plethora of tasks in a public setting, all while I was uncomfortable and humiliated. The second incident, at a restaurant, involved another bizarre request to be made-up by my own mother, with the implication being that an unattractive me could potentially ruin a marriage.

The most alarming incident transcended a mere awkward first meeting. My parents had fixed my alliance with my cousin, despite my initial denial and resistance. This marriage, though good in the initial years, was filled with challenges and experiences that shaped my understanding of marriage.

Despite the challenges, I remain grateful for the love and blessings of my two wonderful sons who have made my life richer. My journey teaches us that every marriage, whether arranged or through love, is a unique experience, and the key is to navigate the challenges with resilience and understanding.