Moments of Childhood: Tales of the Grossest Family Meals

Introduction

Every child has a story to share about their parents or grandparents attempting to prepare meals that would make a horror movie—and Lutefisk, overcooked pork, canned sweet peas, and an onion sandwich are just a few examples of the grossest things many of us have been subjected to and endured at the family dinner table. Let's delve into these tales of culinary survival and the lessons learned from them.

Porcophobia: Tales of Overcooked Pork and Trichinosis

One recipe that often elicits nostalgic shudders from those of us who grew up with grandparents from the 30s is the tale of overcooked pork. Lutefisk, a traditional Norwegian dish, might have been a personal favorite of the grandparents, but the smell and taste were an acquired taste, if that. However, the story goes that Papa's pork chops were an even greater test of restraint and palate.

Papa, brought up in the tumultuous 1930s in Denmark, was well aware of the risks associated with trichinosis from pork. Consequently, every pork chop or loin he cooked was overcooked to the point of being unappetizing. Despite the blandness and lack of flavor, he would insist that every member of the family, including young Lutefisk, eat everything served. This practice, reinforced by the philosophy that 'waste not, want not,' made the meal a grim necessity rather than a dining pleasure.

The remedy many of us found was to dip the overcooked pork in a combination of mayonnaise and Worcestershire sauce to enhance the flavor and mask the blandness. Today, the fondness for pork has become a weekly occurrence, and Papa, too, would enjoy his meals. The moral of the story? Overcooked pork is a culinary hurdle best left to the past.

The Unpalatable: Canned Sweet Peas and the Three-Bite Rule

Canned sweet peas are an archetype of food that even the most designated food enthusiast can find hard to stomach. The mere thought of their metallic, bloated texture is enough to trigger a gag reflex. It's a tale for another day whether these peas, or canned goods in general, have their virtues, but the sentiment is clear: if you don't like it, you might as well not eat it.

Dariant's parents, while well-intentioned, forced children to eat everything, even when they didn't like it. The solution? The three-bite rule. The rule was simple: take three bites of a new dish, and if you don't like it, you're excused to go to bed.

In the author's case, this rule was not always followed, and the author loathed canned peas. Only in recent years did the author discover that frozen and fresh peas were actually enjoyable. The lesson here? Instilling a love for vegetables requires more than force-feeding; it involves understanding and flexibility.

The Depth of Repetition: Frozen Vegetables and the Perplexing Experience

Frozen vegetables, like brussels sprouts, were a staple on the author's dinner table during the early years. These dishes weren't disgusting per se, but they were very repetitive and sometimes soul-sucking.

The worst meal the author ever heard about was an "onion sandwich." Sam, from a sharecropper's farm in the deep South during the Great Depression, endured the experience of having to make do with a slice of onion between two pieces of bread as a dinner alternative.

The author's mother, a non-cook, provided a steady supply of frozen vegetables to make up for her culinary shortcomings. While not the most enticing options, they were consistently available, and the meals were repetitive.

Reflecting on the past, the author realized that the reason for the frozen vegetable dinners was not mere convenience but necessity and economy. The mother's goal was to feed her family without waste. From a modern perspective, these meals seem simple, but they were a significant part of growing up.

Today, the author would never serve liver or boiled potatoes to their children, as the idea of being forced to eat them without any say is frustrating and unappetizing. The lesson learned? The challenge of finding new and enjoyable meals for children while respecting their tastes and preferences.

Conclusion

Each family has its own unique history of trying and often failing to prepare meals that appeal to their children. For Lutefisk, overcooked pork, canned sweet peas, and an onion sandwich, it's a story of endurance and adaptation. While some of these culinary experiences were less than pleasant, the lessons learned about family, food, and the importance of finding balance between tradition and innovation are invaluable.

So, when it comes to the grossest things your parents or grandparents ever made for you, it's worth reflecting on the culinary past and the love, effort, and sometimes naivety that went into each meal.