When Leaving No Longer Equals Desertion

When faced with the unworkable aspects of a marriage, the question often arises: is leaving considered desertion? The answer, as many might initially think, is a straightforward yes. However, let's delve deeper and explore a case where leaving the relationship did not equate to abandoning a spouse. This allows us to understand that there is more to consider when evaluating the concept of marriage desertion.

Leaving for Personal Happiness: A Complex Decision

I can recount instances when I left my ex-wife twice. The relationship had reached a state where I felt lonely and unappreciated, lacking any intimacy or shared interest. Despite making every effort to reignite the spark for six years, the marriage had essentially become lifeless. After all attempts to mend the relationship failed, I made the difficult decision to leave for good.

My ex-wife sought me back, asserting it was for the sake of our son. Years later, I believe this was more about financial gain. She had spoken to friends, who advised her to reunite with me, open a hidden bank account, and exploit the relationship for financial benefits. There were too many inconsistencies that raised red flags. If I had divorced during those six years, we both would have benefitted financially and shared our son's upbringing.

My final departure came nine years later, made out of a sense of duty towards my son, even though the marriage was dead within a year of beginning. I wasted nine years on a dead relationship, which brought me immense discomfort. Six years after my second departure, my family, including my son, severed ties with me, adhering to my ex-wife's stance that I had abandoned our family.

The Struggle with Abandonment and Its Psychological Impact

There is a misconception that leaving a marriage always leads to desertion, especially in cultures where family abandonment is deeply frowned upon. However, this narrative overlooks the nuances of personal happiness and ethical considerations.

As a man, I was conditioned to prioritize family over my own happiness, even if the marriage was unfulfilling. Leaving required immense courage and therapeutic support to reconcile my thoughts and feelings. The aftermath of my departure, including my family's reaction, shaped my perspective on desertion and the responsibilities that come with it.

The Case Against Abandonment: Supporting Values and Integrity

The alternative to desertion is to stay in a marriage that has lost its essence. This is why it is crucial to seek personal happiness and integrity. If staying means being unhappy and trapped in a relationship that offers no emotional or spiritual nourishment, it might be more ethical to leave.

However, it is essential to consider that leaving the children alone can lead to significant psychological and emotional issues for the offspring. My experience, and many others, highlights the importance of not deserting one's children. If you are in such a situation, it is better to ensure they are taken care of by a spouse or guardian who is capable of providing emotional support and security.

Reevaluating the Concept of Desertion

There is a difference between desertion and leaving for personal happiness. It is important to evaluate the situation based on mutual consent, ethical standards, and the well-being of all parties involved, including children if they are present.

Leaving a marriage does not always constitute desertion, especially if done for the right reasons. It is crucial to ensure that the leaving party takes responsibility for their actions, particularly concerning children. A supportive attitude and understanding towards the individual who decides to leave can foster a more compassionate and understanding society.

It is also worth noting that societal judgment should not dictate the actions of individuals. While moral values play a significant role, personal satisfaction and ethical decision-making are equally important. Remember, you are ultimately responsible for your own happiness and well-being.

Consider the following points:

Is the marriage truly unworkable? How does staying affect your personal happiness? Will leaving affect the quality of your relationship with your children? Are there ethical considerations that need to be addressed?

Ultimately, making the decision to leave a marriage should be done with careful consideration of these factors.

Conclusion: While leaving a marriage might be seen as desertion in some contexts, the true measure lies in the intentions and responsibilities involved. Understanding the complexities of the decision can help navigate through the challenges and ensure that the best decision is made for everyone involved.