Healing from a Toxic Relationship: Moving On and Finding Love Again

When it comes to breaking free from a toxic relationship, the pain and confusion can often overwhelm you, especially if you still have feelings of love for your ex-partner. In the context of the relationship you described, where you have dated for a total of seven months out of the past ten, and were best friends for nearly two years, it's crucial to prioritize your mental health and well-being.

Recognizing Toxicity and Its Impact

A toxic relationship is characterised by ongoing emotional, psychological, or even physical abuse. Despite sharing multiple dating experiences and a lengthy friendship period, if the relationship was toxic, it is essential to remember the negative aspects. Going back would likely exacerbate the issues and further harm your emotional health. Maintaining no contact and staying busy with various activities can help divert your mind from the ex and facilitate the grieving process.

The Role of Remorse and Trauma Bonding

The feelings of remorse you currently experience stem from the broken nature of your relationship. It is common to idealise the good times while underestimating the damage the toxic elements caused. Remembering the positive moments does little to address the deeper emotional trauma and can hinder your healing process. True healing involves acknowledging the full spectrum of your experiences, including the negative ones.

Understanding Toxicity vs. Healthy Love

It's important to distinguish between toxic attachments and genuinely loving relationships. Healthy love should bring joy, freedom, and mutual respect. Unhealthy attachment, on the other hand, can feel addictive, making it seem like you cannot escape, but all because it is toxic. Parting ways with someone toxic can be challenging due to the trauma bonding cycle, a phenomenon where the brain becomes emotionally stuck due to the imbalance of power and control within the relationship.

A Path to Healing and Recovery

To move forward and avoid repeating the same toxic patterns, it is recommended to conduct a personal assessment to identify the emotional patterns and beliefs that led you to connect with and stay in the toxic relationship. Healing involves confronting these patterns and beliefs, often aided by professional assistance from a mental health therapist or through personal development.

Healing from a toxic relationship isn't a quick process. It requires time, effort, and self-reflection. Seeking the help of a mental health professional can provide you with valuable tools and resources to navigate your journey. While the path to healing may seem daunting, it can also be profoundly empowering and transformative, ultimately motivating you to pursue healthier, more fulfilling relationships in the future.

Every individual has different needs and requirements in a relationship. It is natural to find it challenging to communicate these needs to a partner, but it is crucial to do so for a healthy relationship dynamic. If you find yourself drawn to similar toxic patterns, it may be indicative that you need to work on personal growth and emotional healing before entering a new relationship.

The experience of breaking free from a toxic relationship can be a long journey, but it is a journey worth taking. Embrace the process, seek support, and prioritize your mental health. With time, patience, and effort, you will be able to heal and find a new, healthier path in your personal and professional life.