Gracefully Reminding Loved Ones to Use the Correct Pronoun for Your Transgender Friend

As a transgender person, it's important to me that I am respected and referred to using the correct pronoun. This preference applies not only to myself but also to my close friends and family. When someone accidentally slips up on a pronoun, I handle the correction gently, non-confrontationally, and casually. While this may seem like a simple matter, it plays a crucial role in creating a supportive environment for everyone involved.

The Importance of Correct Pronouns

Correct pronouns are a fundamental aspect of respect and inclusion. When someone uses the wrong pronoun, it can cause distress for the transgender individual. This distress can range from minor discomfort to significant emotional pain. By taking the time to correct the mistake gently, we can help minimize any potential harm and maintain a positive relationship with those around us.

Strategies for Handling Correction

When correcting someone who has used the wrong pronoun, I approach the situation with grace and understanding. I typically respond with a sentence like, "It's she," or "Did you mean he?" I continue to correct in a manner that is easy for everyone to understand, without making the person feel attacked or singled out. For example:

"It's she."
Oh, it's they."
"Did you mean he?"

This casual approach allows the person to feel comfortable and less defensive, making the correction smoother for all parties involved.

Repetition as Training

Just as one would repeat commands to a dog in obedience training, it's important to repeatedly remind friends and family members of the correct pronouns. This process is especially crucial when dealing with trans people who have come out recently. My son, who is now a transgender man (FTM), started using male pronouns about 2.5 years ago. To help familiarize others with his identity, I continuously repeated the pronouns "he" and "him."

Even within my own family, where my son is now accepted with unconditional love, I keep reinforcing the correct pronoun. When my mother forgets to use "he," I gently interject the correct pronoun without making a big fuss. This subtle intervention often helps people start using the correct pronoun naturally.

Handling Missed Corrections

When someone still gets the pronoun wrong, I handle the follow-up in a compassionate manner. If someone says, "Huh?" I simply remind them, "He is who we were discussing." This gentle reminder helps them correct themselves without feeling embarrassed or criticized.

Telling the Truth

When people ask about the gender identity and pronouns of my son, I provide truthful information without overcomplicating the conversation. I simply state his name and mention that he goes by male pronouns. Providing accurate details helps others understand and respect his identity.

Encouraging Open Communication

One of the most important aspects of being an ally to a transgender friend is encouraging them to correct pronoun mistakes. If you know a trans person, talk to them about how they handle these situations. They may have specific preferences or methods for establishing their pronouns. For example, they might ask for the correct pronoun to be used during the first introduction or within the first few days of knowing them.

My own appreciation for your question stems from the fact that it highlights the importance of allyship. It's distressing for transgender individuals to hear the wrong pronoun, and by being proactive and asking questions, you're demonstrating your support and commitment to creating a respectful and inclusive environment. Thank you for advocating for your friends and being an ally in this journey.

Conclusion

Supporting a transgender friend or loved one by using the correct pronoun is a simple yet powerful way to show your respect and inclusivity. By handling corrections with grace and maintaining open lines of communication, we can foster a supportive and understanding community for all.