Facing the Late Discovery: How Adoptees React and Heal

Would you have the same reaction if you found out you were adopted? Many do not care anymore, especially as they age. However, understanding the impact of this discovery is crucial for emotional and psychological health.

What Does a Late Discovery Mean for Adoptees?

Discovering you were adopted late in life, often referred to as a Late Discovery Adoptee (LDA), can be a life-changing experience. Imagine learning that a significant part of your personal history has been kept secret from you. This revelation can be a result of an omission or a lie, and it affects not only you but also your entire adoptive family. Here’s what might be at play:

The Secrets and Liabilities

Adoptive parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, lawyers, judges, and personnel in vital records departments all knew about your adoption. Additionally, older cousins, neighbors, and coworkers may have known the truth. While some of these people might have been trusted, the betrayal of others can never be undone. This trust breach can lead to estrangement within the adoptive family, emphasizing the profound emotional impact of the discovery.

Reflecting on Gratitude

Gratitude is a crucial emotion in the face of this revelation. Be grateful for the adoptive parents who chose you, for the effort and care they invested in your upbringing. They didn’t have to. Reflect on the reasons why you should feel thankful rather than resentful. Adoptive parents took on the challenge of parenting you, and they are your parents. Love and respect them more for handling the discipline and guidance required to help you become a member of society. Cultivating gratitude can help you maintain a positive outlook and appreciate the love and care provided.

Focus on Adopting and Caring

When you establish your own family and get married, consider adopting a child from an orphanage. Sharing this responsibility with a biological child can be a beautiful way to honor your adoptive parents and your own journey. At an appropriate age, share with your children (biological and adopted) the information about your adoption. This transparency can foster a stronger family bond and mutual understanding.

Praying for Your Birth Parents

Instead of seeking out your biological parents, consider praying for them, wherever they may be. This act of remembrance and well-wishing can provide a sense of closure and peace. It allows you to heal and move forward, focusing on the love and support you received from your adoptive parents.

Stay Blessed

Embrace the blessing of being a part of a family that chose you. Regardless of the circumstances, you are a valued member of that family. Remember to remain blessed and grateful for the journey you have undertaken.