Do You Get Better as a Parent with Each Sequential Child?

Many parents wonder whether they improve as they navigate the challenges of raising multiple children. My friend, a mother of two, once remarked, 'The first child teaches you how to parent. The second one teaches you that you don't know anything yet.' This statement encapsulates a profound truth in the realm of parenthood. Each child brings unique traits and experiences, requiring different parenting strategies.

Individual Growth and Lessons

My own experiences underscore this idea. My parents treated all their children equally, and their approach worked for them. However, it led to different outcomes for us. My elder brother rebelled, while I adapted by being the perfect child, hiding behind my smile. My younger sister, as the baby, indulged in whatever she wanted. The strict discipline resulted in resentment, and we all left home as fast as possible.

When it comes to my own children, they are individuals with unique goals, but they are all good people in their own ways. The first child was indeed a practice run, and the second child benefited from the accumulated experience and maturity. Like many parents, I learned from the first and had more patience with the second.

The Unique Dynamics of Sibling Raising

Parenting is not about a one-size-fits-all approach. Each child may have different needs and behaviors. Sometimes, you must adjust your parenting style to suit their individual characteristics. Observing and learning from the corrective actions of one child can help prevent the same issues in another.

However, raising a child with an older sibling introduces a new layer of complexity. The older sibling’s experiences and dynamics within the family have a significant impact on the younger ones, requiring parents to adapt again. For instance, older siblings often serve as role models and can help younger ones learn from their experiences, whether good or bad.

Parenting Over Time: Lessons and Challenges

Over the 23 years between my first birth and my seventh and youngest child turning 6, I've certainly grown and changed. Here are some of the key insights I've gained:

Sense of Perspective

With time, one develops a clearer sense of what truly matters. An example of this is my oldest son, who was often late for school but ultimately succeeded in his education. While I found his tardiness troubling, it didn't significantly impact his future success. This experience taught me to prioritize long-term outcomes over short-term frustrations.

Seeing What Works

Observing the value of different activities and programs for my children has led to a more informed approach. For instance, both of my older daughters worked in a deli during their teenage years, which taught them responsibility, commitment, and the importance of money. I now prioritize similar experiences for my other children as they reach the appropriate age.

Keeping Calm

In the course of being a parent for a long time, you become more adept at handling various situations. Things that might have upset me years ago now merely wash over me. I've learned to maintain composure and not get worked up over minor issues.

Making Them Self-Reliant

With a growing number of children, the need for self-reliance becomes more critical. I can't constantly run around doing things for them, so I encourage them to take on responsibilities themselves. For example, if my 11-year-old daughter asks to get a haircut, I might say, 'Sure, look up the number, call the place, and book an appointment.' This helps them develop essential life skills.

Lessons and Reversions

Along with these positive developments, I've also noticed some regressions. I've become more permissive with my younger children, and I have a little less energy than I used to. There are still battles to fight, but I'm jaded and more lenient. Small battles with pint-sized tyrants are now easier to handle, at least in terms of candy and other minor requests.

In conclusion, while there are both improvements and challenges in parenting multiple children, the overall experience is enriching. Each child brings new lessons and perspectives, and the accumulated wisdom can make each subsequent child a better experience.