What is the Most Disturbing Movie You Have Ever Seen and How Did It Impact You?

Exploring My Journey with Disturbing Films

Throughout my life, I've had the privilege of marathoning disturbing movies and experiencing a vast selection of horror and psychological horror films. While I've grown accustomed to gore and graphic content from a young age, certain scenes still have a profound impact on me. This journey has helped me understand how films can deeply affect our minds and emotions.

A Temporary Edge Towards Horror

My interest in horror films took a turn when I discovered the internet at 18. Before that, I had been surrounded by horror movie marathons but hadn't had the freedom to watch as much as I desired. This newfound access to films online without legal restrictions brought a fresh urgency to my horror fix. Initially, I approached the internet with a sense of uncertainty, worried about legal repercussions. However, finding a direct source of free content became my gateway to a more extensive collection of movies.

Instantly, I found myself binge-watching Serbian films and horror movies from various genres. My initial exposure to Serbian films, such as A Serbian Film and The Human Centipede, introduced me to a new realm of psychological horror and extreme graphic content. Not all was as bad as I had anticipated, but some scenes, particularly the castration scene from Hard Candy, really resonated with me. This was because I was more accustomed to gore and violence than psychological trauma. The medical and clinical nature of the scene stood out to me in a way that traditional violence did not.

Interestingly, the levels of brutal violence and gore in films like Hostel Part 2 did not have the same impact, perhaps because the intensity and speed of the scenes made them more digestible. Conversely, the psychological horror elements in these films were more likely to leave a lasting impression on me.

Adapting to the Horror Genre

As I grew more familiar with the genre, I became desensitized to certain types of horror. Blood, guts, and distasteful themes became part of my regular viewing diet, and I began to see them as expected elements rather than shocking surprises. This desensitization is especially true for films like August Underground, which showcases fake snuff films. My ability to anticipate the content and my desire to push boundaries kept me coming back for more.

The long-term effect of these movies varies. For films like Alien (1979), the chest-bursting scene remains deeply unsettling and terrifying. It has stayed with me since I first watched it, cementing its place as a memorable horror movie scene. The nudity and gory content of Nymphomaniac (2014), directed by Lars von Trier, also had a significant impact. Despite facing criticism, I was captivated by the film's uncomfortable and graphic nature. However, the self-performed abortion scene was particularly shocking due to its detailed and graphic portrayal. Charlotte Gainsbourg's performance during this scene highlighted the raw emotional and physical reality of the character.

The Lasting Impact of Disturbing Scenes

Over the years, my tolerance for disturbing scenes has grown, but not entirely eliminated. A few scenes remain deeply embedded in my mind, evoking a mix of fear and fascination. Reflecting on these experiences, it's clear that these films have shaped not just my taste in horror, but also my emotional and psychological responses to certain types of content. The horror genre continues to be a powerful tool for filmmakers to explore themes of fear, grief, and the human condition, as well as to push the boundaries of what audiences find disturbing.

In conclusion, my journey with disturbing movies has taught me that the impact of a film on an individual is deeply personal and highly context-dependent. While some scenes, like the chest-bursting scene in Alien and the self-performed abortion scene in Nymphomaniac, have left a lasting impression on me, others, like the scenes in Hostel Part 2, have not. This experience underscores the versatility and depth of the horror genre and its ability to challenge and evoke strong emotions in viewers.