Can a Person Realize They Are in Depression?

Is depression just about feeling sad? Many people equate the terms, but there's more to it than meets the eye. Depression is more akin to being held down, where one might experience a lack of enthusiasm or interest without feeling exceptionally sad. It's a mental state where the energy is drained, leading to a variety of changes in behavior.

When Depression Strikes

Depression can manifest subtly, making it difficult to recognize at first. Think about someone who is traditionally cheerful and enthusiastic suddenly turning quiet and uninterested in their usual activities. Such changes can be indicative of depression, but they are often overlooked because the person might still appear to be functioning normally.

A Personal Experience

During a family vacation to Disneyland, I experienced a stark realization of just how depression can permeate even the most joyful environments.

My husband and our two girls were having an incredible time. We had Genie passes, which allowed us to skip the long lines, enhancing the overall experience. However, I was miserable throughout the trip. The crowds and stimuli in Disneyland were exhausting, and I didn't want to be there. I kept suppressing the urge to escape, staying for my family's sake. I was just going through the motions.

On the last day of the trip, I completely shut down. I stopped speaking and walked away from my family, sitting alone and sobbing at the airport. My husband found me as the gate agent announced our boarding. I was emotionally drained, and my depression was very clear to him.

He asked, "Talk to me," gravely concerned. I couldn't think of a word to say. It felt like my feelings of joy and energy had been turned off. I didn't answer him, and my state didn't change when we got home. The next day, I was still in the living room while my family was putting the younger child to bed.

That's when a voice inside my head became persistent, urging me to do something. This internal struggle was a clear sign that I needed help. I reached out to my psychiatrist and explained my situation. We discussed a few alternatives, and I decided on Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) for my treatment-resistant depression.

TMS Uses Strong Magnetic Pulses to Induce a Small Electrical Current inside the Brain. This current stimulates the neurons and changes the dysfunctional firing pattern associated with depression. I started TMS the following week, with a treatment schedule of 5 days a week for 7 weeks. It required adjustments to my work hours and social obligations, but it was necessary.

For the first 4 weeks, there was no noticeable improvement. Despair set in, and I doubted the effectiveness of the treatment. However, at the end of the fifth week, something finally happened. At treatment number 24, the "feeling alive" switch flipped back on. I could feel the familiar sensations of joy and hope that I had long forgotten.

I told my psychiatrist, "Something's just happened. I've never felt this good in a long time. I feel like I'm in Disneyland."

Image poorly rendered by Wonder "Anything that does not look realistic is magic okay"

Depression is a serious condition, and recognizing its signs is crucial for getting the appropriate help. Whether it's a change in behavior, feelings of exhaustion, or an overwhelming struggle, don't underestimate its effects. Seek professional help and remember that there is hope and treatment available.