Can You Ever Trust a Narcissist to Be Alone with Your Children?

I didn’t realize my mother was a narcissist until this year. I’m assuming she doesn’t have a diagnosis, but this is what I experienced. I lived with her when my daughter was from the ages of 2 until she was 6 years old. Those weren’t bad ages necessarily for my mother to be around, and I was there for the most part. My mother’s verbal abuse was directed at me, not at my daughter.

But then my daughter hit puberty. All the negative things my mother said to me about my body, things that were different than her apparently perfect body, began to be directed at my daughter. I didn’t know this was happening.

My father was dying, my mother needed to have surgery on her spine, and she needed help with the housework and light cooking. She offered to pay my daughter to stay and take care of them. My daughter was 13 and agreed to this. A few weeks before she was supposed to come home, she asked if she could stay because she wanted to go to school in Lafayette and we lived in New Orleans. I asked if she understood that grandpa was dying and when he was gone, she would be alone with grandma. Alone with grandma without grandpa to temper her behavior… and wow did I underestimate just how much he tempered her behavior. She thought she understood but she really didn’t.

Two months later my father was gone and she was alone with my mother, who started telling her she was fat. She didn’t have any control of the size of her breasts and her ass was too flat. This wasn’t an isolated incident. My daughter is beautiful and brilliant, and loving and kind, but this bitch was telling her the same shit she said to me at the same age. And if you think it didn’t affect my daughter's self-esteem, you would be dead wrong. Less than a year with my mother, and my daughter is a wreck with self-esteem issues who turned to boys who treated her like shit for validation.

Understanding the Impact of Narcissistic Behavior

As a mother, I regret ever agreeing to let my daughter stay with my mother. I’m now speaking with experts to better understand the impact of narcissistic behavior on children and how to prevent it from affecting their development. It’s crucial for parents to be vigilant and aware of such toxic dynamics.

According to Dr. Jane Volk, a clinical psychologist, narcissistic behavior in parents can have severe consequences on a child's mental health and self-esteem. Dr. Volk emphasizes that children need stability, consistency, and positive reinforcement to develop emotionally and mentally. Narcissistic parents often provide the opposite. They may undermine the child's confidence and self-worth by tearing down their physical appearance, body image, and overall self-perception.

The Significance of Parental Trust in a Child’s Life

Parents are the first and most important role models for their children. Trust is a fundamental aspect of a healthy parent-child relationship. However, when a parent is a narcissist, this trust can be severely compromised. Trust is essential for a child's emotional security and self-esteem. A child who doesn't trust their parent is likely to struggle with insecurity, anxiety, and self-doubt.

Dr. Volk further explains, “A child who feels their parent is unpredictable and dismissive of their feelings is more likely to develop mistrust and seek external validation instead. This is particularly dangerous when the external validation comes from sources that are not beneficial, such as harmful romantic relationships or substance abuse.”

Preventing Narcissistic Behavior in Children

To prevent narcissistic behavior in children, parents need to model healthy emotional regulation and self-care. They should provide consistent, positive reinforcement and establish clear boundaries. Parents must also be mindful of their own thoughts and behaviors, as children often mirror their parents' actions.

“It's crucial for parents to practice self-reflection and recognize any patterns of narcissistic behavior in themselves,” suggests Dr. Volk. “If a parent identifies these patterns, they should seek professional help to address them. Therapists can provide valuable insights and tools to help parents become healthier role models for their children.”

Conclusion

I learned the hard way that I cannot trust a narcissist, especially with the safety and well-being of my children. It’s important for all parents to be aware of the potential risks associated with narcissistic behavior and to take proactive steps to protect their children. If you recognize any signs of narcissistic behavior in a parent or caregiver, consider seeking expert advice to ensure the child's well-being.

Keyword(s): narcissist, parental trust, child safety

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